Liam

Nothing like crying at work. It happened unexpectedly while I was on my knees painting stair risers and listening to Caroline Rose’s album “The Art of Forgetting” which I have listened to probably a hundred times now. When I first listened when it was a new release in 2023, it helped me grieve the end of my marriage. It is relatable start to finish - I cried through some deep, crummy feelings that have been hard to connect with other people over. I thought I had done all of my grieving with this album, and have listened calmly many times, but it struck me (and not for the first time) that there’s one thing I can’t relate to on their album. Throughout, there are voice message recordings of their grandmother checking in on them while they were in a period of isolation. Something about it today just made tears pour out of my eyes and onto the stair treads. There was no stopping it. I’m feeling really sad that I don’t have family like that. I don’t know many people who understand this pain...

If you know me even a tiny bit, you probably know that I love the Simpsons. Two years ago, I made my own version of a Valentine’s Day card that Ralph gave to Lisa when he had a crush on her. “I choo-choo-choose you.” I made this version, which is self-centered and sorta cynical. I remember where I was mentally and emotionally. Not much has changed, to be real. I still strive to take care of myself above falling into dynamics that place me in the role of a doormat so that I can receive love. However, in looking back at the connections I’ve made and my attempts at dating post-separation with my wife, I see that I have been a scared animal - I actually knew this all along. I am extremely picky about who I want to try dating, and even more picky about who I will be intimate with. It’s a hard thing to balance while I explore my sexuality as a trans person who doesn’t want to be used unless I want to be used (does that make sense?). And when I decide to lean in, all these other things come i...