The Weight of June

Getting closer to the window

Means getting closer to the sun 

I still have hills to climb

Before I can learn this lesson

That there is no meaning behind what happened

But it meant something to me

Maybe you’ll ask

Why couldn’t I be more direct

But my body has frozen

And my memories are flickering

Behind my eyes 

Like old forgotten, trimmed off bits

Maybe I’m the idiot

I’ll say it twice for your approval

And go right back to being absent 

Sucked into my phone I’m absent

Chewing on something I can’t talk about

Seeing you stuck under sheets

For weeks in a row in a row a row

We rowed around with mushrooms

And the lights around were flickering 

I miss the laughs oh so much 

Oh, I cried so much

I have to do this alone

The window was left open for me

The closer to the window

The closer to the sun

I won’t walk, I’ll run

Then I’ll pace myself because

I can’t gauge the distance

And I have to reserve my energy

I’ll see many more other sides

I’m sure

Before my time is come

Moved around the furniture

Moved to a whole new state

Moved around the potted plants

Trying to determine which ones

Need

To be closer to the window

To be closer to the sun

If you break me open again

I might die

I died a thousand times

But not a single one more

Just a thousand and then I fly

Away oh glory

You used to tell me my flaw

Was thinking the grass is always greener

But maybe sometimes the other side

Doesn’t have stagnation and draught

Something we both know about

You think you can’t tell me your secrets

My biggest lie was the one I told myself

That my value comes externally

And if you love me, you won’t fuck around and not tell me

We loved each other and now

We let each other be