Liam

On this day 22 years ago, I was 11. Most of my peers happily wore their costumes to school. My costume was a “business man.” I wore my dad’s work clothes and carried an empty, old briefcase around. With very baggy clothes, a Zac Hanson haircut, and shoes that were too big, I hurried to the bathroom before catching my bus home and discovered that I had my very first period. I love Halloween. 👻

Frilly pastels on Easter morn’ Child resists, child is scorned Childish behavior Not like the sisters Teach ‘m a lesson Risk ‘m the blisters One small kid Two adults overpowering Kicking and screaming Ingraining the cowering They tried every Sunday Enforcing their dress code And learned to leave the fight The ruffles For the holidays  Once a week Was Far too much of a commitment 

In late 2020, I joined a zoom book club. Committing to meeting with this group for 12 weeks was a little scary for me. The anticipation stirred up memories of old feelings, a mixture of the first day of school and preparing to pray in a small group at church. I can’t blame lockdown for my anxiety around meeting new people, even if it's through a screen. That long preceded the pandemic. The book was The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and the group was formed by my friend, Mel. Prompts at the end of each chapter gave way for plenty to talk about amongst a group, and then some. One thing that Julia Cameron mandated for all readers is that everyone write “Morning Pages” every day. The idea was much like journaling, but with the intention of unloading all of your spinning thoughts onto paper before getting on with your daily routine, even if it wasn't cohesive. It was encouraged to write a nice letter to yourself, or write self-affirming notes. That’s where I discovered a problem. I ...