Liam

There are times when I’m at work and in my element, digging out cracks in horsehair plaster and vacuuming up the debris, filling holes and gouges and cracks with new, fresh plaster, moving through an empty house with the ghosts of old residents, and disturbing the silence with scrapes and drills, times that I forget where I am. Thinking of the drive from work, the downtown snow banks that get my wheels spinning, the short trip to my apartment. Times that Troy is Salem, but I can’t smell the ocean and I can’t find familiar faces. I’m grateful to be working. Glad I have tried getting settled in a new town to make new memories because the old memories are too loud. Having a perfectly lonely winter and hoping the Spring opens my heart right up.

 Am I doing this right?

NoBS. Healing from trauma isn’t linear because there are times when you’ll unexpectedly experience a trigger. Some people who have been in auto accidents, even long after their body has physically healed, may experience tension, fear, and pain when they drive by the location of the accident. The body and mind have made a link and send a signal of danger. It’s for our protection. Yet, sometimes it can feel like going backwards. Opening a wound that has been trying to naturally close and feeling the blood on your skin again. The truth is, healing never ends. It only gets easier the closer to death you allow yourself to make peace with. This last month has been sleepless. The only deep sleep I’ve had has been in the last week, with the help of Mucinex Night Shift (working alongside Lucy Dacus) because I’ve been fighting a sinus infection. I’ve had some dreams to accompany me in my in-between-sleep-and-awake moments, some very pointedly telling me what keeps me at unrest. I decided that it...

Today was supposed to be my first appointment with a surgeon for considering top surgery. I woke up with a sinus infection and I am forced to reschedule. I took a rapid test to make sure I don’t have Covid. While it was negative, it’s best to play it safe and avoid spreading this infection. Their nearest available appointment is May 1st (sad face), but I got on their cancellation list in case anything comes up sooner. Trusting all of this will go smoothly. I haven’t been sick like this in years, outside of vaccine reactions. Of all days! Hoping it passes through me quickly. This gives me more time to research surgeons and happy clients. 👏